Who Am I Kidding?

excusesSo maybe it is the writing that I’m resisting. I changed my routine a few days ago and I suspect it’s just another procrastination tactic. Instead of just sitting down to write, I check out new followers, check my reader feed, clean out my in-box – all before opening a new post window and then I check the time. And of course now there’s precious little time for writing – especially when I don’t have a topic in mind.

Why do I continue to set myself up for failure? Is my subconscious trying to protect me from the very thing it’s creating? Or have I gone to the ‘it’s too hard’ place? Writing is hard. It’s also fun and therapeutic and has led me to better understanding myself. I LIKE to write. It doesn’t matter if I don’t always have something enlightening to share. That’s not the point. (Note to self – are you listening?)

I think it’s the pressure I’m putting on myself, knowing this blog is public and that others are following it. Well, based on my own behavior, I’m sure those followers are not checking everyday to make sure I’m fulfilling my self imposed assignment or that they’re going stop following because the day’s post was not about something they’re particularly interested in. I’m discovering that within the blogging world, a follow is often a request for a follow back.

I’ve embraced the fact that I am a writer, I’m proud to say it and yet I’m apparently still suffering from the imposter syndrome. I didn’t start this blog to impress anyone, except maybe myself, it’s a vehicle to hold my thoughts, memories and revelations. It’s supposed to be the start of my book. Maybe that’s where the pressure is coming from. The book. When I sit down to write my daily post I think I feel guilty if I don’t have any soul searching, childhood issue, or obvious grief to work through.

When I think about digging for crap that needs to be brought to the light, I get tired. The days keep flying by and as I race to keep up, the thought of adding more work is too much. And poking around in the toxic waste dump of my mind is work – really hard work. So who am I trying to justify myself to? I guess that must be me. Sigh … Where did the fun go? Right now my life feels like nothing but work and obligations.

This feels like another circular post, but that’s pretty much how my brain works. Aren’t you the lucky one to see it firsthand. I have too much to accomplish (there’s that theme again) today to take the time to go back and edit, since I’d probably convince myself that the whole thing needs to be rewritten or better yet, deleted. So, to recap, if only for myself, I’m feeling both rebellious and guilty about the lack of depth in my writing and I have plenty of excuses as to why that is.

Posted on March 26, 2014, in Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Good for you for trying to figure this out. Have you read The War of Art by Steven Pressfield? Might have some useful insights to offer. Let’s talk.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Indie Hero

Brian Marggraf, Author of Dream Brother: A Novel, Independent publishing advocate, New York City dweller

Healing Through Balance

Bringing Balance to the Mind, Body, and Spirit

BPD Healing and Hope

Within a patient inner Self comes understanding......and peace


A blog full of humorous and poignant observations.

Paula's Blog

Free to Flourish


one woman's thoughts while journeying through life...


Narratives on discovery at the intersection of social media and the search for God's face.

Psychic Empaths

Thoughts of an empath for empaths

A Wooded Path

a journey into paganism, witchcraft, and self

Evanye Lawson

Empowering you to live your best life consciously!

Krazy Intuitive Coach

Thinking waaaaay outside the box!

Lucretia's Words

Helping you live, share and uncover your story

Psychic Joy Star's Blog

Psychic Development | Spirituality | Soul Astrology | Spirit Guides | Metaphysics | Tarot | I-ching | Meditation | Buddhism


Aʟʟ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ Aɴɢᴇʟs & Lɪɢʜᴛ Bᴇɪɴɢs

golden light sanctuary

Stress Relief and Management Experts Holistic Healing

My Meditation Challenge

A Path in Spirituality


Opening doors to enhanced life experiences by uncovering the unseen

One Rat Studies

It only matters what works for you.

Radiant Child Yoga

Lighting the world with yoga, one radiant child at a time

Granny Smith: Unleashed

Observations and random thoughts from a "not so teenager."

Gotta Find a Home

Conversations with Street People

Jessica Piscitelli - Writer

Writing, Struggling, and Storytelling

Random Stuff by Aimster813

Poetry, photography, news, stories, life and more....

Writing in the dark

This is just a place, where I can throw up my late night creative moments. I don't write for people to read. I write so that my mind can be cleared, and hopefully to help inspire others.

Dream, Play, Write!

Today, make a commitment to your writing.

Eric Schlehlein, Author/Freelance writer

(re)Living History, with occasional attempts at humor and the rare pot-luck subject. Sorry, it's BYOB. All I have is Hamm's.

Dimitris Melicertes

I don't write, I touch without touching.

Building A Business While Having A Life


Talking like touching. Writing like punching somebody. (Susan Sontag)

Murmurs in the Margins

It's All in the Details

Live to Write - Write to Live

We live to write and write to live ... professional writers talk about the craft and business of writing

The Belle Jar

"Let me live, love and say it well in good sentences." - Sylvia Plath

Ryan Bolton.

Writer. Photographer. Bearded.

harm·less drudg·ery

defining the words that define us

David Gaughran

Let's Get Digital

The Neighborhood

It is known as a blog, we call it The Show

%d bloggers like this: